My Erotic Thriller So Far

Jack Delt had a long, stressful day at his job as a PHP ninja. He went to unwind at his local watering hole, Dave’s Alcohol. As he ordered a Suddenly Stop Caring his eyes fell upon the stunning gams of a stone cold fox. He slowly cast his gaze up the gams, past the vagina area, up to where the boobs are and then finally to her eyes. He was pleased to note she was looking right back at him not in disgust.

He sauntered over and asked if she wanted to finish his drink. She did so with a single chug and then said she needed someone to walk her to her condo because her neighborhood was pretty rapey. Jack Delt took her by the arm and escorted her back to her place. She invited him in for a nightcap and they drank and chatted about websites but soon enough they were tongue kissing like crazy. Jack Delt was really getting into it and thus closed his eyes.

When he opened them again, it was morning and he was handcuffed to the futon, like to one of the wooden slats somehow. The lady, whose name was — spoiler alert with the was — whose name was Daphne L. Giandomenico, was sprawled on the floor, lying in a pool of still-steaming blood and gore.

Jack Delt couldn’t remember anything after the frenching but noticed a bottle of knockout drops over there by her tampons. When a SWAT team kicked open the door he had two thoughts simultaneously: 1) This is certainly an exciting story I’m suddenly involved in, I wonder what will happen next, and 2) What’s the deal with morning wood, does everyone get that every day or what exactly.

» Rating: FIVE SEXY LADIES BUT IT KIND OF FALLS APART AT THE END SO LET’S MAKE IT FOUR