This Taco

OK, yes, technically, this is indeed material inside an edible wrapper, but otherwise it’s more gastrointestinal doomsday device than taco. The meat is a fetid gritty paste the color of crib death. The cheese has both the flavor and texture of a ribbed, lubricated condom and don’t ask how I know that. The lettuce is, I believe, cleverly decorated slivers of construction paper. The sour cream is disconcertingly beige. The hot sauce is neither hot nor sauce but rather a kind of lukewarm gel. The shell is limp and chewy and seems humiliated by what it’s being asked to carry.

This is the fifth one I’ve had tonight. My mind is suddenly splayed wide, open to all possibilities. The universe reaches down and high fives my soul. I tear long jagged scars in the fabric of reality, revealing the unnameable horrors that lurk underneath. I eat death and shit genius.

» Rating: NINE SEXY LADIES