ME: What is up, Sleek Maurice! Who is my lawyer! Exposition! Quick question for you.

SM: [silence]

ME: Hello? This is Joshy.

SM: I know who it is. How’d you get this number.

ME: Oh, your receptionist cut a deal with me. Said she’d give me your emergency digits if I never called her or … hang on, I got the contract here. Never contact her or any of her family members again, nor come within a 100-foot radius of the place she does sexy yoga, nor FedEx her lasciv … lascivi….

SM: Lascivious.

ME: …posters featuring my actual-size nude body, blah blah, mostly boilerplate, you probably wrote it.

SM: This must be a considerable emergency, then.

ME: You tell me. I just got this note from some A-1 corncob saying he’s gonna start Eleven Sexy Women!

SM: Yeah so.

ME: That’s not allowed, right? Just diluting my brand like a real jerk?

SM: You don’t have a brand. You don’t even have an operational penis.

ME: It operates. Just not … not how one would hope it would. When I was a lad, I certainly did not dream of growing up to have a penis that operated like this.

SM: All right anyway it’s my expert opinion that you quit worrying about your ridiculous blog and—

ME: My chronicles blog. Say it!

SM: No.

ME: Now you’re diluting my brand!

SM: If your brand was any more diluted it’d run clean and clear as the tears shed by a virgin unicorn.

ME: All unicorns are virgins!

SM: [silence]

ME: Say it!

SM: All unicorns are virgins.

ME: I just wanted to talk to someone, Maurice.

SM: I know.

ME: I’m so lonely.

SM: I know, Joshy. I know.

» Rating: ELEVEN SEXY LADIES TOTALLY TRADEMARKED COPYRIGHT ME FOREVER LOL