This Date So Far

I don’t want to get ahead of ourselves here, but I think it’s going superbly. You’re looking ravishing—and ravishable. Your hair is overcomplicated in a good way. Your succulent breasts are like quivering balloons of gentle flesh. You’re enjoying your turkey leg with gusto, and that pleases me.

That racist joke you told was quite the barnburner! Most of the ladies I take out on the town do not tell good jokes. Knock knock, they say. Hello, who is this! I cry, delighted. They say they do not know, they forgot, and then they just look out the window of my van at nothing and nobody. But you, Susannah, you are diff—Savannah, yes, my apologies, you, you are absolutely overflowing with zestiness! Look at you drink straight from the pitcher of light beer! Just look at you. Such a terrible lust for terrible pleasure.

And such grace. You accepted defeat—crushing defeat!—at the mini-golf place with the smallest of tantrums, and you took it like a pro when I laughed at how funny you walk. Susannah, please do not alarm the other diners by shrieking with delight as I get down on one knee and ask for your hand and … HIGH FIVE YOU HA HA oh I am terribly sorry but I am a funster at heart and I don’t, as a rule, propose to women I met in a Quiznos men’s room like two hours ago.

» Rating: NINE SEXY LADIES