That One King Soopers

Maybe it’s the fact that it’s located inside a parking garage complete with rape-friendly flickering fluorescents. Or maybe it’s the guy wearing pretty much nothing but a strategically located Pringles can who stands by the broken vending machine out front, winking, just winking at everyone who goes by, everybody gets a friendly wink, free of charge! Or maybe it’s the Saigon ’72 vibe of the produce aisle. Or maybe it’s the smell of burning hair. Or maybe it’s that they mostly play Tool over the PA system.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s all the slightly off brands like Dr Pepe soda and Crust Extra Whitening toothpaste that make me think this whole thing is an elaborate hoax and all the other customers and clerks are in on it and the next time I go there will be nothing but an empty lot and an old Mexican lady who’ll say You are mistaken, señor, there hasn’t been a King Soopers here in over a hundred years! and I’ll go insane and the hoaxers will have a good laugh and have me committed to a nuthouse and take my limited edition Princess Diana commemorative plate from Royal Doulton which was what this whole thing was about because you can seriously get like $450 for it on eBay if you time it right.

» Rating: TWO SEXY LADIES