Apple Cider Vinegar

My brother sets down the shot glass he bought with 500 skee-ball tickets. It says Drink ‘Til He’s Cute. He pours a generous amount of apple cider vinegar and slides the glass over to me. “Drink it,” he hisses.

“That is vinegar,” I say. “That is for jellyfish stings and vaginal irrigation.”

“Oh so you want head lice. You want syphilis. You want monkey butter.”

“Gimme that,” I say. I knock it back and the world turns yellow. I tumble into the shot glass, riding a two-headed robot dolphin named QT-π. We save a princess who looks like me in drag from some kind of space stegosaurus. My body explodes into a fine mist of pure being.

“Got a kick, right?” my brother says.

I get up off the floor and say: “It’s not so bad after a few seconds.”

“Josh,” my brother says. “You’ve been out for three weeks.”

I realize my beard is down to my pee-pee (it grows fast) (my beard, I mean) and my car got towed and I missed the birth of my son and odds are pretty good there is a cock and balls Sharpie’d on my face.

“Your son is beautiful,” my brother says. “Looks just like his old man.”

“Cock and balls drawn on his face?”

“It’s sort of my trademark.”

» Rating: SEVEN SEXY LADIES