This 6:30pm Meeting

How did it come to this. I think everyone can agree we all made some serious wrong turns in our lives to be sitting here right now, talking about the fusion of buy-side and sell-side commerce and an integrated supply chain, enhanced through the integration of community, collaboration, process and analytics, delivered within an industry context.

You. Frank. What did you think you’d be at this point in your life? Right, a samurai. Me too. I can see us facing off in the misty dawn, circling each other, our nihontō drawn, the thrill of battle coursing through our veins. And when I finally bring you down—of course I’d win, Frank, you adorable fat fuck—when I finally bring you down, Frank, you’d know that yours was an honorable death, that you were proud to be stabbed thirty or forty times by the likes of me, and you’d take my hand and gaze up into my eyes and whisper your final words:

CHING CHONG WING WONG lol I’m sorry I’m being racist but it’s all in good fun. C’mon Nobuko don’t be like that. Where’d you think you’d be today? In a 6:30 meeting with some racist b-hole? You did? Well let’s all take a lesson from Nobuko here about aiming low and taking pleasure in the small things in life, like Frank’s penis. Kidding! No one takes pleasure in that!

OK gang well you’ve been a lot of fun but I need to wrap this up. We’ve all got our next steps, right? Frank, you report me to HR. Nobuko, you write bakayaro (“stupid idiot”) on my car with your keys. Big Dan, you just keep being Big Dan, you dig? Make sure all your action figures are perfectly positioned in your cubicle.

As for me, I’m gonna go knock over Big Dan’s action figures and then set myself on fire in the “Koopa” conference room. Still love that we named all our conference rooms after Super Mario things! That’s what makes this company great: our childlike sense of fun.

» Rating: TWO SEXY LADIES