January 2012
3 posts
Going To The Bank
Get a loaf of this (no way am I fixing that sweet typo): I had to go to the bank today. The bank. Like inside? The building?
I don’t think I’ve stepped foot in a bank since Stephen Hawking invented ATMs because who am I, Liberace or whatever with fancy financial things to do? Like I need a small business loan to start a cat combing company? (Note to self: !!!)
But I had no choice so I...
Going Over That Big Bump
I’m driving down the road and as usual I’m thinking the big thoughts. (I do not have small thoughts.) (My smallest thought ever was probably peanut butter and spicy ranch pretzel chains and that still netted me nine large on Kickstarter.) I’m distracted by the gorgeous day, smooth and curvaceous, zaftig and callipygous, smelling like deodorant that smells like mouthwash’d makeouts in a freshly...
2012
I awake on New Year’s Day to discover my fingers stuck in ten different vodka bottles. They make a terrible clatter as I somehow manage to don my kimono emblazoned with a .44 Magnum Colt Anaconda and the words I WILL DESERT STORM DAT ASS in Papyrus. I wait for my boner to subside and then go outside to greet 2012. The wintry air is invigorating upon my boner which did not subside. The year...